The Remote Lets You See There’s Nothing Worth Watching on TV a Lot Faster
“Mom & Dad Are Dinosaurs!” Book Excerpt
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When Dad was young, watching television was a communal experience. His family gathered around the single TV in the living room and watched together. Mom’s parents didn’t even have a TV. I asked Dad how Grandma passed the time without television. He said, “Go ask your mother or one of her 11 brothers and sisters.”
TV schedules were essential back in the day. If you missed an episode of your favorite show, you waited months until summer reruns . . . when you wouldn’t be home to watch it. That’s why you had to have the latest copy of TV Guide.
Dad never wanted to spring for the 35 cents for TV Guide. Instead, he opted for the bare-bones schedule that came free in the Sunday paper. And he stole that off his neighbor’s steps.
Dad is a guy who considers the remote control high-tech. The remote that came with the set doesn’t change the channels but somehow shuts off our neighbor’s home dialysis machine. Good times.
That’s why it was a surprise when Dad broke down and ordered some streaming services. Now choosing a show to watch takes longer than watching it. Dad calls it his $12-a-month navigation menu. Mom and Dad argue for 40 minutes over what to watch and Mom falls asleep 6 minutes into the movie.
It takes Dad two hours to watch 60 Minutes. Dad spends most nights binge-watching the stale shows he missed when they first aired decades ago. It’s so much fun watching him adjust the rabbit ears antenna on top of the set that we haven’t told him it isn’t connected to anything.
Mom complained that he should stop watching TV and read more, so Dad turned on the closed captions. Mom likes watching the Discovery Channel. She discovered she married the wrong person.
Dad heard that smart TVs can spy on people so he called the company to demand an explanation. The guy told him, “Don’t worry, your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.”
Frank Mastropolo is the author of “Mom & Dad Are Dinosaurs! Humor for No-Tech Parents with High-Tech Kids.”
