Two of the Five Food Groups in One Fun Snack

‘Mom & Dad Are Dinosaurs!: Humor for No-Tech Parents with High-Tech Kids’ Book Excerpt

When Dad was a kid, he loved sucking on candy cigarettes. They were white sugar sticks colored red on the tip, so they looked lit. Dad says he felt as tough as a yellow toenail when he had one hanging from his lip.

Dad believes those candy butts were the gateway drug to his current tobacco habit. Well, duh! For Father’s Day, he just wanted ten scratch-offs and a carton of unfiltered smokes.

Dad smokes like a Russian steel mill. Compared to the air in our house, second-hand smoke is like aromatherapy. That’s why Mom suggested Dad smoke down at the neighborhood hookah room. When he got there, Dad
couldn’t figure out where all the girls were.

Although they’re still around, I probably wouldn’t buy candy cigarettes because I’m not crazy about sugar. Anyway, cherry licorice sticks fulfill my basic impulse to chew on appliance wires.

Frank Mastropolo is the author of Mom and Dad Are Dinosaurs! Humor for No-Tech Parents with High-Tech Kids.